“Forgive and forget” is a common phrase often heard in Christian circles when it comes to dealing with painful experiences from our past. However, as a licensed professional counselor and ordained minister, I want to share a different perspective, drawing from the well-known passage in Psalm 23.
I believe in the importance of acknowledging and processing these memories rather than simply trying to move on.
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Walking Through the Valley
Let’s begin by reciting the comforting words of Psalm 23, which portrays God as a shepherd guiding us through life’s challenges.
“The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me to lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside the still waters. He restores my soul; He leads me in the paths of righteousness for His name’s sake.” (Psalm 23:1-3, NKJV)
The psalm acknowledges the reality of walking through “the valley of the shadow of death” – a metaphor for the darkest and most painful experiences we may face.
“Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.” (Psalm 23:4, NKJV)
However, the psalm also reassures us that we are not alone in these difficult times. God’s presence, symbolized by the shepherd’s rod and staff, provides protection and comfort. This imagery suggests that God does not necessarily remove the pain from our lives but rather walks alongside us through it.
Sitting at the Table with Our Enemies
I want to draw attention to a puzzling verse at the end of Psalm 23: “You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.” What’s the purpose of a table prepared for your enemy? My answer is profound: to make peace with your enemy and become allies.
In the context of healing from trauma, I suggest that we can often be our own worst enemy. The painful experiences we have endured can create an internal battle, causing us to fight against ourselves.
By going back through these memories with God’s guidance and support, we have the opportunity to make peace with ourselves and become our own advocates.
The Importance of “Roots-Up” Therapy
As a therapist, I advocate for “roots-up” therapy, which involves revisiting and processing past painful memories rather than trying to skip over them. While this may seem counterintuitive or even daunting, I emphasize that God promises to be with us every step of the way.
This approach aligns with the principles of trauma-informed therapy, which recognizes the impact of past experiences on our present well-being. By carefully exploring and processing these memories in a safe and supportive environment, individuals can experience deep healing and transformation.
An Invitation to Heal
For believers struggling with past wounds, I offer this encouragement:
God is not trying to help you escape your pain but is inviting you to go through it with Him.
By allowing God to guide you through the process of grieving, considering, and sitting with these experiences, you can emerge on the other side as an advocate for yourself and ultimately for God’s kingdom.
If you find yourself ready to embark on this journey of healing, consider reaching out to the trauma-informed therapists at Christian Counseling Services. We are here to support you every step of the way as you discover the freedom and peace that comes from processing your past with God’s guidance.
Remember, forgiveness does not always mean forgetting, but it can lead to a profound transformation of your relationship with yourself and with God.
